Who said it: your chair calling you into student 'complaint' meeting, or a mafioso?

 1.     We need to meet. I’ve got something to talk to you about.

Haven’t been seeing much of you lately. In fact, I’ve heard nobody’s been seeing much of you lately. Some people might be saying you’ve skipped town, but I know that’s not like you. I want to assure the boss man we’re all on the same page. I’d like to discuss our arrangement over a cup of espresso.   

 

2.     I’ve been getting some complaints from the people above me.

Look, I don’t have a problem with you. I think this—what we got between us—it works. But if One-Toed Jerry who teaches Public Communications across from you tells me you aren’t moving the product, we have some concerns. This operation runs like a river, and when there’s a stoppage, it builds up and it builds up and then pssshheww—something’s gonna blow. Now I get you, you’re a rabble-rouser, but you don’t know what you’re dealing with. You may’ve seen them end a meeting early, you may’ve seen them give a goon the go around, but you have NOT seen these guys out on the golf course. They’re animals. Animals.

 

3.     They might shut down our whole operation here if we don’t resolve this. Imagine all the people who’ll get hurt.

You’re talking to a family man here, alright? I got kids, I got a wife, I have students—students who, god bless em, don’t deserve what’s coming to em. Sure, I’m a week late with my final grades every semester, but I been in this business a long time. You’re talking to an alum—sure when you’re in it, you think you can change things, you think you’ve got morals, but this is the real world, dollface. We don’t make the rules—we just pass along those grades that turn into dollar signs . . . maybe we don’t see ALL the dollar signs, but we don’t take on the risk at the end of the day. The guys upstairs, they’re taking on all the risk.  

 

4.     I’m not going to be able to protect you much longer.

Look, if those classrooms don’t start singing again, I don’t know what I’ll be able to do for you. Sure, you may think your little buddies have your back, but what happens when they take away your stipend? Ok, yeah, maybe that stipend was a little scrawny to begin with, but what happens when they take a big swing at your health insurance? They don’t cover your dependents any way? Ok, wise guy, but what happens when they fire alls youse? Who would they get to run it all? They run this town, they’ll have your spot filled in a minute! Oh wait, you mean, ALLS of youse, alls of youse?

 

5.     I’m on your side, but I’m powerless here.

Look, you don’t think there are times when I wanna bust the bossman’s knee caps? You gotta think about him like your father—you’re not supposed to love your father, you’re not supposed to LIKE your father, but you respect him. What? It’s 2022 and we’re reparenting ourselves? See I don’t understand half the shit that comes out of your fucking mouth. You know what kills me? Is that you think you’re something new. We see grad students do this over and over again, and what happens in 2, 3 years? We never see them again. Cause they graduate. I know, I know, you came into this business cause you respected it, cause you believed in the team we got here, all I’m saying is, betray all your ideals and education and just, you know, stop.

 

6.     This isn’t a time to be a hero. These guys have killed before.

You don’t understand, you’re not LISTENING: they’ve got me by the tenure here, ok? They’ve got my wife—she teaches in the physics department! They stand on those raised platforms in meetings, and they just talk and talk and filibuster and filibuster and I’m just, I’m carrying out orders here—you can’t take this personal! What’s this? A little list? You think a little LIST is gonna save you?!! Wait . . . you’re telling me you’re 1,100 strikers strong? And you trust em? Well, I gotta say . . . I’ve worked with the boss man for years now . . . that dickhead hasn’t given my department any money since 2004. I’ve got no certain love for him. Hell, maybe the hierarchy could use some new blood.

Annalise Cain