Who said it: your shitty ex-boyfriend or the IU bureaucrat who won't recognize the grad worker's union?

Listen, we’ve all been there. You’re trying to express your needs, set your boundaries, but the conversation keeps going in circles. You’re tired of being gaslit, of being treated like a child, of being told that they’ll do better. The real question is: are we talking about your shitty ex-boyfriend or the bureaucrat who won’t recognize the IU Bloomington grad workers coalition?

1. I don’t see a reason to revisit that particular issue. 

Is the issue the fact that he can’t recognize that feelings aren’t facts? Or is the issue that 60% of graduate workers at IU want a union, and former Provost John Applegate told you you weren’t considered staff under the policy people like him have the power to rewrite? 

2. I need you to acknowledge that I’m trying. 

Jessica, this is hard for me too. Sure, you deserve basic human decency, but I don’t think you’re considering the toll that takes on ME to give that to you. 

Alternatively: The university serves so many people, giving you a living wage would prevent us from funding other important initiatives, like McRobbie’s $582,000 bonus check.

3. That’s been true for a long time. And we know it’s an issue.

Sure, this is a listening session, but it’s pretty annoying when you come to me with the same problem over and over again: like, yes, sure you might want higher pay, but can’t we talk about your mental health for a minute? Let’s talk about order of operations here: can you really be worried about paying rent, medical bills, and student loans, without first considering your mental health? 

4. We can’t do that all at once. 

Babe, communicating my feelings honestly AND changing my behaviors in accordance with your stated needs? That’s like, patting my head and rubbing my tummy at the same time, that’s not humanly possible.

Alternatively: sure we’re the fifth largest employer in the state of Indiana, but we can’t just raise your wages AND recognize you as workers, even though this university wouldn’t be able to run without your labor, without your teaching and running labs and grading–look, you’re the multitaskers here, not us. 

5. I see the difficulty of your situation, but I think it’s important to acknowledge the tone you’re taking isn’t lending itself to a healthy relationship.

I know that I’ve been in academia for over 20 years, but I can’t really hear your critiques if you don’t talk to me like you’re my nana explaining to me why it’s not ok to stomp on ants. I know it’s hard to tell when I set up the architecture of the space so that I’m on a raised platform with a personal microphone in this invite-only meeting, but I have feelings too. 

6. I don’t know where you are, where you extrapolated from my comments to that one. 

Is he referring to the time he went through your phone and thought you were cheating on him with the guy who was harassing you online? Or is he referring to the time last year when the IU administration implicitly threatened international students with deportation if they continued to withhold their fees? Hard to tell!

7. I think this process could go so much more smoothly if there was more trust in the room.

Without trust, we have nothing, babe. That’s why I looked through your phone. That’s why I mentioned the possibility of deportation if you continued to withhold your fees. You love me because I keep it real with you: I’m above the bullshit. 

8. I’m not saying this to say, ‘Well, look, it’s an unsolvable problem,’ just to help you understand that, as I’m thinking about the concerns you raise, others immediately come to mind.

Look, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to fix things. Sure, I have to leave during the middle of the listening session in which I’m supposed to listen you, but can’t I get some credit for showing up? If I’m being honest, I don’t think you’re putting in enough effort to this relationship to make ME feel appreciated, you know? When was the last time you read the Wednesday Weekly Update? See, you don’t even respect what I do! How are we supposed to build a healthy relationship off of that? 

9. That’s it for me, for me talking, as you know, just proactively, I’m not just going to drone to you. 

I’m here to LISTEN. 

Points 1, 3, 4, 6, 8, and 9 were said by IU bureaucrats in a ‘listening session’ on Feb 23rd, with some pronouns changed.